My heart goes out to you, my beloved city. You are in my thoughts, today and always.
I love you. Stay safe.
It’s nighttime, and just the thought that roommate isn’t at home bothers me. Yes, darkness scares me a little.
I had dinner, cleaned the dishes, filled my water bottle and locked myself in my room hours ago…that way I don’t have to go out to the living room or kitchen until the morning hits and there’s plenty of light. I read, watch a few episodes of FRIENDS, read some more, when I get this craving for milk. I tell myself that it will go away, I continue entertaining myself, I do this and that to get my mind off it. But that stubborn craving doesn’t want to leave me alone, so I cave in.
I gather enough courage and open the door. I see the living room lights on; my hearts starts racing.
“What’s going on? Roommate isn’t supposed to be back for another day. And even if she did come back early, I must have heard something – which I definitely didn’t. Why / how are the lights on? What should I do? Call security? Get out of the apartment first?…………………”
Million questions. Ten million answers. All in a matter of fraction of seconds.
I walk out of the room. Two steps into the living room, I realize that I left the lights on before going in. Just in case I had to step out of the room at night.
Phew! Relax! I tell myself. But, I can still hear my own heart beating like crazy…until I come back with the milk and close the door to my room. It’s all good now…heart is calm, mind is quiet.
I read, watch a few episodes of FRIENDS, read some more, when I get this craving…this time for ice-cream.
And the above scene recurs; ditto, frame to frame.
I am not too sharp, I tell ya. This repeating one or two times would have been fine. But I’ve been reacting the same way every single time I’ve walked out of my room in the past two nights. While my brain can spill out infinite number of thoughts in unimaginable speed when it senses something wrong, it can’t keep itself from overreacting. I wonder why.
It was a beautiful Saturday – relaxing start to the day, perfect weather, fun evening plans – I couldn’t ask for more! After waking up late morning and having a nice breakfast, I set out on a drive to the beautiful mountains in New Hampshire to enjoy an evening of skiing at Pats Peak. Saying I couldn’t contain the delight (and the fear, of course!) would be an understatement because I’ve been looking forward to trying skiing. And the evening didn’t disappoint me; it was the ideal way to spend time.
The evening/night lights across the mountain range, pristine snow flakes falling down from the sky onto the already white layered mountains, the moon and the stars fighting clouds and fog to shine upon the beautiful world beneath, and everything else made the already perfect evening more wonderful, if at all that’s possible. And so, my happiness had no bounds. As much as I was afraid to ski down the slopes at first, I overcame it (thanks to the one who was patiently teaching me the basic maneuvers, couldn’t have done it otherwise!), and did a much better job than the first time I went skiing.
So after hours and hours of fun – falling down, crashing into other novices, breaking bones (ok, this might be an exaggeration), working all the muscles in the body and draining every bit of energy – I sat down to relax when I realized that my wallet was missing from my jacket pocket. The zipper was open and the wallet was gone. And there was no way to find out where I might have dropped it. Bummer. I sat there in shock for a while before I took decided to walk around looking for it. But, as I already mentioned, I was totally exhausted and even one step forward wearing those ski boots required so much of work. So I stood there…wondering what to do, trying to recall everything that was in the wallet…with tears flowing down my eyes. Yes, I’m weak like that…even the littlest things can trigger water works . But hey, this was no small issue I had in my hands – I had some very important documents in my wallet (insurance cards, credit/debit cards, IDs, etc.), some of which would cost me a lot of time and hundreds of dollars to replace. So you can understand my agony, right?
Anyway, it was almost time to leave, so there wasn’t much hope of finding it that night. P walked around for a long time tracing my steps to see if was still around somewhere, but that hard work didn’t yield anything either. And I cried more. As there was a time crunch (the place was closing any minute now), the only option we were left with was to leave for the night and come back in the morning to search more. As a final try, P went to the lost and found office at Pats Peak to check if they had it but unfortunately no one had turned it in, so he came back after letting them know that we were missing my wallet and giving them a brief description and contact info in case someone finds it.
And that was my Saturday – happiness and grief all on the same day. After getting back home past midnight, with no hope of seeing my wallet again, I started researching on processes and procedures to replace all the lost content before dozing off for the night to see nightmares aplenty.
And what Sunday had in store for me made me one happy soul. I woke up to a call from Pats Peak’s management office (Thank you!!!) letting me know that someone turned in my wallet. No better way to wake up from a disturbed night’s sleep, I tell you. I was sooooooooooo relieved, to say the least. And thanks to you, whoever found it and took the time to hand it over to the right people.
You made my day yesterday with one kind act of yours and for that I must thank you. We don’t know each other, but that didn’t prevent you from helping me; so it sure shouldn’t stop me from you how grateful I am. Yes, I understand that you might never read this, and even if you did you might not realize that I am talking about you…still I have to write it down for my own sake, for various reasons.
First, I want to thank you…for being so thoughtful, for taking the time to pick up a fallen possession of someone else, for putting in the efforts to returning it to the lost and found office. A simple thank you won’t suffice for all that tension you’ve saved me from. But for now, that’s all I have…those two words…Thank you!
Also, I want to make a note of how the world is full of nice people like you so I can come back to it if and when life manages to pull me to the other side. One selfless deed of yours is enough to reassure me of my belief that, in general, people are helpful and trustworthy.
And your kind act only motivates me to do something similar whenever I can…to help others in the smallest ways possible, to “pay it forward”, to be considerate, to do something without expecting anything in return, etc.
Thank you! You’ve been of a great help, you have no idea .
…is what I thought while starting a short hike into the jungle all by myself. Everything from a mosquito to a butterfly scares me, true. But I assumed I could handle them all this time around. And I was right. None of those insects bothered me and when they did I was brave enough to shoo them away…
A few mins later, I spotted a snake crossing my path just a few feet ahead. A little one, sure, but a scary one nonetheless…I stopped for few seconds, gathered my breath and told myself that this was it. That this was the worst that could happen. That there could not be anything scarier waiting for me.
I start walking with a great sense of accomplishment. If I could handle that, I can handle it all, I assumed.
And that’s when it hit me that I couldn’t be more wrong. Few steps more and I spotted this. This crawling creature that looked like it belongs to the lizard family was more than enough to scare me to death.
After this, I didn’t dare look down even once before I met with MD, who hiked from the other end of the loop. The walk from the point I spotted thing to when I spotted MD was scary as hell. I felt like there were lizards crawling all over me. Of course, there was nothing, but that’s how paranoid I was.
The only things (??) that have the power to halt my heart beat are lizards / roaches. Not sure if I will ever get over this fear!!!
With so many of my friends / family getting married, I’ve been spending my time seeing lots and lots of wedding pictures lately. And who is the one person I observe the most in any wedding album? That would, of course, be the pretty bride. The bride wearing this specially made wedding dress. The bride with so much jewels on her. The bride with a lot of make up to add to her beauty.
And that makes me sad, because I don’t do any of those.
Well, I think I can compromise on wearing all those beautiful dresses. I won’t make a fuss as long as I chose them. But I can never do the jewels and the make-up thing. I’m not that type . As far as jewels go, I can wear either earring or a ring or a necklace or a bracelet, but never all of them together. Why? Because I don’t like it. Simple. Whenever I wear it more than one of those, I feel too girly (?) and I can’t handle it. And don’t even get me started on the make-up thing. I don’t like it, I don’t know how to wear it and even if I did, I simply don’t have the patience.
So, I will make one of those not-so-pretty brides, won’t I?
Not that I’m too concerned about how I look in the photos or whatever. I don’t. But just that I know I will be forced to do it all. I know I won’t be able to get out of it. Parents, especially the Mother, you see.
(Un)Fortunately I’m not getting married anytime soon. So, I still have time to make my peace with it and prepare myself mentally to be all pretty just for those couple of days. YAY !
K-ji made my day yesterday… We were chatting as usual and he said one of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard anyone say to me – “aap ki na se hum hote nahi hai udaas…. magar aapke mayoos chehre se hota hai wo ehsaas…” Well, it’s just not about what he said, but the fact that he meant whatever he said that made my day! Thanks K-ji. And yeah, of course the chocolates he sent for me yesterday made the evening even better… Thanks again!
Marriage – heaven or hell? Really?
Well, I’ve heard two failed marriage stories since I came to work this morning. This is just not helping me folks… I don’t know, it just makes me very scared whenever I think of my future with whoever it is. What if I don’t have whatever it takes to get married and make it work? Man, someone please tell me how to get away from marriage, if at all there is a way! IT IS SO SCARY, yeah, that’s what it is SCARY!
On a happy note, I just learned today that my good friend and ex-colleague B and his wife M are expecting a baby. I’m so happy for them! Congrats folks!
Hmmm… I’ve been having headaches on and off since last afternoon. Do you think I have brain tumor? … Just kidding. There must be something called a “brain” present inside the head to get brain tumor, right? Well, I don’t have that. So I don’t have to worry about it! … I guess I just stress out my little mind too much every now and then worrying about unwanted things…
I’ll be spending this weekend in Rochester. It would be a relaxing one, I hope. Have a nice weekend everyone.