Archive for January, 2010
She walked towards the house with a heavy heart. She thought she was ready to face it…but every step that brought her closer to her house reminded her how hard this is going to be. Time doesn’t heal everything, she realized. There are incidents that take away the best of you never to return. Even though it’s been two years since the loss, her heart never healed. It never stopped aching. It couldn’t let go. It couldn’t move on.
She opened the front door with a shaky hand. Her heart pleaded with her to lock the house and never come back…her eyes couldn’t stand the sight of the rooms that didn’t have him around…her hands trembled as she tried to feel every single thing that he has ever touched. But she knew she had to face it some day or the other. So she put on the mask of strength and moved forward.
Room after room, she walked around…her soulless body did the strolling while the heart and mind were numb in pain.
As she entered the kitchen, it reminded her of all the time he had helped her cook. It always ended up messier than if she had done it alone. But there was a simple joy in letting him assist her, in seeing him take pleasure in sharing a chore with her. And that was enough to make her look beyond anything else and enjoy the moment.
She recalled all those cooking horrors, the fun days that were, as she started climbing the stairs. Reaching the bedroom brought back memories of all those sleepless nights she had spent admiring him…all those endless nights she had sat near him seeing him fall asleep…all those stories they had shared…all the time they had spent decorating it to his liking. Tears fell down her cheeks not being able to endure all this recollection.
She closed the door and ran down to the living room, sat herself on the couch and started crying; weeping her heart out…as if she wanted death to listen to her and let her have him back…as if she were asking for a second chance…as if she wanted the Gods to hear the grief that was killing her every second of every minute.
She pulled herself together and got up only to see all the walls of the living room that adorned their photos. She started dusting the pictures as she remembered the time she was putting them up…
Why do you have so many pictures to put up? It’s all just us and we are right here. Why do we need these on the walls of our living room?
…he had asked.
A room hung with pictures is a room hung with thoughts, sweetheart. I’m trying to frame all the best moments of our lives. Everyone that walks through the house will know what a happy family we are. And it will also bring back all the happy memories when you’re away…you aren’t going to be with me all your life now, are you?
Of course, I am. I would never leave your side. Whenever I have to be away, I will take you with me. Deal?
…he told her, with his childlike innocence.
Deal. Now help me with these, will you?
…she had replied then…not realizing what the cruelty called life had in store for her.
Every picture in every frame was selected by them on that day. With so much care to put together a room that was only filled with laughter, joy and delight. But today, although the room brings back the good times, it makes her weep without control.
Just two months after finishing their living-room-walls-filled-with-photo project, he had passed away. He had moved away. But he did not take her with him as he had promised. Losing her child to life, she was now no less than a dead-body walking. Her heart, her soul, her mind, her feelings…everything he took with him, except for her body. The doctors gave this and that reason for his death, all of which was out of her control; but everything went over her…she could only blame herself – for giving him a life and making him lose it all.
It had taken her two years to gather the courage to come back to the house that he had lived in all his 5 years of life. She sobbed like anything embracing the picture from his first birthday. Her eyes, even though tired, couldn’t stop weeping…her hands couldn’t stop touching his face, feeling her child’s frame in every picture…her lips couldn’t get enough of kissing her little one on all the photos…her heart couldn’t bear any more pain, but had no choice.
Just like a mother’s happiness has no bounds when she sees her child, a part of her, being merry; her grief has no limits when it comes to mourning the loss…it continues to ache day and night, all throughout life and maybe even after.
This is my entry for Carry On Tuesday – Prompt #37 – A room hung with pictures is a room hung with thoughts.
Sunny were the days when you were around…
…in your smile, my happiness abound.
…in your loving embrace, I saw my grief drown.
…in the sparkle of your eyes, I heard love’s sound.
Gloomy are the days when you are afar…
…I crave for the time when you treated me like a star.
…without your hands holding mine, everything seems bizarre.
…the memories of you have left a beautiful scar.
Spring is all I want, to see my sun shine bright…
…then I will bloom in joy again with you in sight.
…you and I are like day and night.
…without one, the other is no delight.
This is my entry for One Single Impression Prompt #100 – Sunny Days.
Unity of sea and sky
brings peace to mind, body and soul;
A loving embrace.
This is my entry for Haiku Bones Prompt #7: Peace.
Ever, during one of your walks, kicked a stone/twig/pine-cone around along your route for fun? You know, like play football but with a stone or something and not a real ball. Come on…don’t tell me you haven’t. It’s only one of the most jolly cheery things to do. I play this little game most of the evenings on my walk back home. Like today…but only that this evening it was with a frozen snowball.
So…I kicked the snowball, it rolled a few steps forward and halted, I reached its destination and kicked it again and kept repeating the cycle for a while…like I always do. With time, the snowball started to reduce in size, but it also kept going only to reach farther with every kick without losing any zest. And at one point, I got bored of kicking around something that didn’t totally break even after so much damage and moved on to continue the game with something else.
This got me to thinking and I realized something…
All of us put on the mask of strength and fight so many battles each and every day. Sometimes we win, sometimes we give in, we lose. Problems are no stranger to any of us. But the key to winning over any trouble is in understanding that giving up is not a solution, no matter what.
Think about it this way…the problems, the troubles that we face are like the kicks that the snowball had to withstand. Our spirit, our hopes are like the snowball. Even after so many kicks that it received, the snowball wasn’t ready to give up. It just worked harder and kept itself together. And I, the trouble, gave up after some point because I didn’t feel there was any fun left in kicking around something that was so stubborn not to let go of its wish to succeed…I moved on to another one – one which looked weaker, one which I thought would break after a kick or two.
Life is just like that. Trouble does let go of the stubborn heart. Because there’s nothing much that the Trouble can look forward in souls that don’t give up. It gets boring for the Trouble because it doesn’t see a scope for success. When you give up, the Trouble wins. And who doesn’t like to win? So, at some point, if Trouble doesn’t see any progress in its way to diminishing your drive and dampening your spirits, then it moves on to bother someone else. Trouble let’s go if it comes face to face with undying hope. It might take a lot of time for Trouble to realize the power of your hope, but it’s worth the wait.
Hope is the key to win over any Trouble. That’s how I see it. How about you?
Shades on a summer sunset sky.
Shattered was my heart
When my hopes fell apart
All I wanted was a fresh start,
To find a love that would never part.
Dry were my days, you came flowing like a stream.
With an energy that made everything around me gleam.
In you I see my future, my dream.
And, without you, life has no theme.
I will shower you with love every day, every night.
A love that is deeper than seas, brighter than sunlight.
And I will standby you through all plight.
For your joy is what can make my day bright.
The bond that we share is the key
to unlock our souls and set it free.
So, come, grow old along with me,
The best of our lives is yet to be.
This is my entry for Carry on Tuesday Prompt #36 – Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.