Aching heart

She walked towards the house with a heavy heart. She thought she was ready to face it…but every step that brought her closer to her house reminded her how hard this is going to be. Time doesn’t heal everything, she realized. There are incidents that take away the best of you never to return. Even though it’s been two years since the loss, her heart never healed. It never stopped aching. It couldn’t let go. It couldn’t move on.

She opened the front door with a shaky hand. Her heart pleaded with her to lock the house and never come back…her eyes couldn’t stand the sight of the rooms that didn’t have him around…her hands trembled as she tried to feel every single thing that he has ever touched. But she knew she had to face it some day or the other. So she put on the mask of strength and moved forward.

Room after room, she walked around…her soulless body did the strolling while the heart and mind were numb in pain.

As she entered the kitchen, it reminded her of all the time he had helped her cook. It always ended up messier than if she had done it alone. But there was a simple joy in letting him assist her, in seeing him take pleasure in sharing a chore with her. And that was enough to make her look beyond anything else and enjoy the moment.

She recalled all those cooking horrors, the fun days that were, as she started climbing the stairs. Reaching the bedroom brought back memories of all those sleepless nights she had spent admiring him…all those endless nights she had sat near him seeing him fall asleep…all those stories they had shared…all the time they had spent decorating it to his liking. Tears fell down her cheeks not being able to endure all this recollection.

She closed the door and ran down to the living room, sat herself on the couch and started crying; weeping her heart out…as if she wanted death to listen to her and let her have him back…as if she were asking for a second chance…as if she wanted the Gods to hear the grief that was killing her every second of every minute.

She pulled herself together and got up only to see all the walls of the living room that adorned their photos. She started dusting the pictures as she remembered the time she was putting them up…

Why do you have so many pictures to put up? It’s all just us and we are right here. Why do we need these on the walls of our living room?

…he had asked.

A room hung with pictures is a room hung with thoughts, sweetheart. I’m trying to frame all the best moments of our lives. Everyone that walks through the house will know what a happy family we are. And it will also bring back all the happy memories when you’re away…you aren’t going to be with me all your life now, are you?

Of course, I am. I would never leave your side. Whenever I have to be away, I will take you with me. Deal?

…he told her, with his childlike innocence.

Deal. Now help me with these, will you?

…she had replied then…not realizing what the cruelty called life had in store for her.

Every picture in every frame was selected by them on that day. With so much care to put together a room that was only filled with laughter, joy and delight. But today, although the room brings back the good times, it makes her weep without control.

Just two months after finishing their living-room-walls-filled-with-photo project, he had passed away. He had moved away. But he did not take her with him as he had promised. Losing her child to life, she was now no less than a dead-body walking. Her heart, her soul, her mind, her feelings…everything he took with him, except for her body. The doctors gave this and that reason for his death, all of which was out of her control; but everything went over her…she could only blame herself – for giving him a life and making him lose it all.

It had taken her two years to gather the courage to come back to the house that he had lived in all his 5 years of life. She sobbed like anything embracing the picture from his first birthday. Her eyes, even though tired, couldn’t stop weeping…her hands couldn’t stop touching his face, feeling her child’s frame in every picture…her lips couldn’t get enough of kissing her little one on all the photos…her heart couldn’t bear any more pain, but had no choice.

Just like a mother’s happiness has no bounds when she sees her child, a part of her, being merry; her grief has no limits when it comes to mourning the loss…it continues to ache day and night, all throughout life and maybe even after.

———————

This is my entry for Carry On Tuesday – Prompt #37 – A room hung with pictures is a room hung with thoughts.

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  1. #1 by comfortablynam on January 26, 2010 - 5:00 pm

    God T, you have me in tears..

    hugs!

    Like

  2. #2 by BlueMist on January 26, 2010 - 5:36 pm

    Such a life. It bloody moves on.
    Brilliant Sketch. Very well done lady.

    thank you, BM :D..

    Like

  3. #3 by Psych Babbler on January 26, 2010 - 6:49 pm

    Wow! Just wow! Yuo really manage to tug at people’s heartstrings…and I don’t even have a child!

    🙂 I’m glad you think so. Thank you!

    Like

  4. #4 by Prashanti on January 26, 2010 - 8:28 pm

    You almost made me cry 😦

    😦 😦

    Like

  5. #5 by CJT on January 26, 2010 - 8:35 pm

    So sad and touching, the emotion… wow. I can’t top any of the comments given above other than to tell you that this piece was… just… wow… amazing.

    An Eye for Color

    Thank you! and Welcome 🙂

    Like

  6. #6 by viswajithkn on January 26, 2010 - 8:53 pm

    Is it a pattern or trend? a good majority of u r essays happen to be tragedies… 😦

    yupe…looks like it… 🙂

    Like

    • #7 by viswajithkn on January 26, 2010 - 9:22 pm

      No. I was just wondering. Some of u r haikus are bright and full of life…was just imagining how beautiful u r fiction and essays wud be if they are bright too instead of being all dark…:)

      happy haikus, tragic short stories = balance 🙂 …life isn’t always fair and happy…tragedy is beautiful too, in its own way :), i think…

      Like

      • #8 by viswajithkn on January 26, 2010 - 9:49 pm

        hmm…ok…u r blog…u r perspective!

        🙂

        Like

  7. #9 by Nu on January 26, 2010 - 10:49 pm

    what have you done T ? You made me numb..I could imagine her crying and kissing her little one in all the pictures…

    The word play that you know ! If you can move readers to feel the pain and happiness,you are great writer !

    And needless to say you just moved so many of us !

    Thanks, Nu. That was very nice of you to say!! Thank you!

    Like

  8. #10 by Bindhu!! on January 26, 2010 - 11:24 pm

    Wonderful dear!! You manage to create a visual picture with your words!!

    On another note, somehow reminded me of the latest insurance ad, wherein the children pick up all the photos of the parents and hang it over their bed as a surprise… Ofcourse its happy thoughts & pictures.

    Thank you!

    I haven’t seen the ad. Will check it out. 😀

    Like

    • #11 by Nu on January 27, 2010 - 4:57 am

      oh yes this commercial is really sweet 🙂 do watch it T !

      will do tonight 😀

      Like

  9. #12 by Sunshine on January 26, 2010 - 11:36 pm

    That was beautiful…totally made me tear up! & im not even married!

    Thanks :)…

    Like

  10. #13 by Swaram on January 27, 2010 - 2:50 am

    Sigh! The comments above hv said it all .. U totally hv us engrossed! Its almost like we cn feel that pain 😦 Gr8 way with words T!

    thank you, swaram 🙂

    Like

  11. #14 by Sakhi on January 27, 2010 - 3:11 am

    O boy… 😥

    🙂

    Like

  12. #15 by Makk on January 27, 2010 - 3:52 am

    passionately catching life in stills ..
    planes, beaches, jungle or climbing hills
    and then came the moment she frozen..
    she dint know life will catch her as a STILL

    Nice work!

    lovely lines 🙂 thanks !

    Like

  13. #16 by Elegant Chic on January 27, 2010 - 4:11 am

    😥 😥

    Oh T! 😦

    Brilliant!!!
    I’m so moved that I find it hard to write this comment!!

    🙂 Thanks

    Like

  14. #17 by celestialrays on January 27, 2010 - 4:27 am

    beautiful portrayal dear 🙂
    bare truths of life!

    thanks 🙂

    Like

  15. #18 by Dido on January 27, 2010 - 9:34 am

    seriouslyyy u made me cry 😦

    hugs! 😀

    Like

  16. #19 by Krags on January 27, 2010 - 10:37 am

    hey , i know that you are pretty satisfied with your current work n all , but i would still love to see you use these beautiful talents of yours.
    Be it in Literature or in any other thing – use your excellent writing skills which almost always makes the reader emotional , coupled with your beautiful poetry skills !
    It might even be that change you always wanted to make in the society – for some of the most infuential people are those who could strike a cord with their viewers instantly and hence push a point across …

    Krags.

    and , can you send me a autographed picture in advance ( as in , when stocks last 😛 ) …

    thank you for all those kind words :D…loved reading them :P…but no, i’m not any writer material, i don’t think so..thanks!

    Like

  17. #20 by Reema on January 27, 2010 - 12:24 pm

    very touching 😦

    🙂

    Like

  18. #21 by Nazish Rahman on January 27, 2010 - 12:52 pm

    Tell me seriously when r u coming with a book of yours!! Excellent ya…it was very well written…took my heart out!!

    😀 that’s v nice of you to say :D….but i’m not that good :P..thank you, nevertheless 😀

    Like

  19. #22 by chotusworld on January 27, 2010 - 10:32 pm

    ohh boy! do i hate these endings.. sorry just a mom talking.. but then u did sketch it out really well.. lovely writing T!

    thank you!

    Like

  20. #23 by binpin on January 27, 2010 - 10:42 pm

    Nice..Definitely bought a tear to the eye..My cousin bro passed away 2 years ago and my Mom’s always telling me how his mother is surrounded with memories of him..

    😦 hugs to you 😦

    Like

  21. #24 by Matt Parker on January 28, 2010 - 9:01 pm

    Me going to read this tomorrow …

    Evident from the comments this is a sad story … I am happy today ! 😛

    yeah , i don’t wanna be the reason to make you upset 🙂 read it later 🙂

    Like

  22. #25 by Larry McCay on January 29, 2010 - 10:55 am

    Wow…

    thank you 🙂

    Like

  23. #26 by Matt Parker on January 29, 2010 - 12:55 pm

    Aww my heart feels heavy …. nice T…I second what Nu said…

    A brilliant piece of work !

    thank you, Matt!

    so did you enjoy your Happy day yesterday? hope you had lots of fun!

    Like

    • #27 by Matt Parker on January 29, 2010 - 1:29 pm

      Yeaahh ! Happy happy day !
      But now I am so tired,cant even move 😦

      good…go sleep now 🙂

      Like

  24. #28 by anthrdayinparadise on January 30, 2010 - 8:31 am

    beautiful and moving..

    thank you!

    Like

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