Guilt

In the darkness he would silently walk into the room, touch her arm and say

I can’t fall asleep, Ma. I’m scared…I hear noises near my window.

And she would always reply with a hug and a kiss. With his tiny hand holding on to her fingers and his face resting calmly on her, he would fall sound asleep in her arms in no time.

This had become a routine for a while now. She didn’t mind…as a matter of fact, she looked forward to that time of the night when he came over to her room. She loved the harmony these few moments brought to her heart and soul – hugging someone that’s a part of her, knowing that the sight of her makes all his fears vanish, seeing her beautiful child fall asleep feeling secure in her arms brought more peace to her than anything else.

But she also knew that he was ready to sleep alone without getting scared. After all, she wasn’t going to be around every night to put him to sleep once she starts to working nights.

Sweetheart, you shouldn’t really come looking for Mommy every night. You are a big boy now.

But I hear noises near my window and I get scared.

There’s nothing to be scared of…it’s just the rustling of leaves or the brushing of the rain drops against the window or the noisy winds. They won’t do you any harm, believe me. You can even take a look out the window and see that there’s nothing to be afraid of. Let’s do it tonight before we go to bed and I’m sure you will be fine then, ok?

She had said.

Alright.

He had agreed, half heartedly…there was no other choice, really.

As promised, she opened the window that evening to show him that there was nothing to be scared of. She assured there was nothing out of the ordinary outside, kissed him good night and walked to her room.

All night she twisted and turned on her bed waiting for the door to open any minute to see him walk in. Restlessness crept in with every passing second without his sight. As much as she wanted him to sleep by his own, as much as she was proud that her little boy overcame his fears, she couldn’t help but feel sad that his tiny feet didn’t come running to her.

As soon as the first ray of the sun fell on her window brightening the room, she walked to his room…to find it empty. Empty of the smell of her baby, empty of the sound of his breathing, empty of those eyes of promise, empty…empty of his presence. The disturbed scene of his room was enough to put her into shock…the open window, the messy bed, the lonely toys…something bad happened, she knew right away. Searching all over the house and the neighborhood only confirmed what the mother in her already felt.

Her baby was gone.

Did he leave on his own? Did someone take him? Was he hurt? Was he crying to be with her? Why did he go? When will he come back?…these are  just a few of the million that’s been eating her alive every morning ever since. She didn’t know the answers to any of these…but one thing she knew for sure was that it was her fault. He fault that she asked him to sleep alone, her fault that she opened the window the previous evening, her fault that she didn’t stop by his room every once in a while that night to check on him, her fault that he was not with her now. Guilt is not a good friend…it consumes one alive. And when it is about your own flesh and blood, then there’s no limit to the hurt it brings along.

One night changed it all…her life turned upside down, her heart crushed to pieces, her tears don’t want to quit, and her mind doesn’t want to rest. How she wishes all of this was nothing but a nightmare, how she hopes her child would come running into her arms right this second, how she wants to feel secure in his hug, how she longs to see his beautiful face in the light of the moon…only if!

Now all she is left with are insomnia and hope…one to keep her company and the other to give her the strength to survive.

———————

This is my entry for Carry on Tuesday Prompt #41In the darkness, he touched her arm and said… and One single Impression Prompt #104Insomnia.

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  1. #1 by BlueMist on February 23, 2010 - 1:38 pm

    Hope her boy returns one day. May be then he will be grown up into Amitabh Bacchan. 😛

    😀 😆

    Like

    • #2 by BlueMist on February 23, 2010 - 1:39 pm

      Sorry could not control. Remember those movies when they used to show the moments when the young boy would turn into angry young man ? 😀 😀

      😆 yes I vaguely recall movies of the kind 😀

      Like

      • #3 by BlueMist on February 23, 2010 - 1:40 pm

        and get ready to hear “how sad” ” depressing ” !! 😉 😀 😀 👿

        😀 well, it’s supposed to be all that 😛

        Like

    • #4 by BlueMist on February 23, 2010 - 3:18 pm

      Boy I am first again. YAY !!

      yes you are 😀 yay! 😀

      Like

      • #5 by Matt on August 20, 2012 - 4:31 pm

        Simple pleasures of life. 😀

        indeed 🙂

        Like

    • #6 by Psych Babbler on February 23, 2010 - 3:21 pm

      LOL Misty!!!

      😆

      Like

  2. #7 by Prashanti on February 23, 2010 - 2:45 pm

    This was soo touching and heartfelt T !!

    🙂 thanks

    Like

  3. #8 by celestialrays on February 23, 2010 - 2:48 pm

    OMG you combined two prompts in such a meaningful way! hats off!

    a touching story indeed… very very sad…

    🙂 Thanks

    Like

  4. #9 by BlueMist on February 23, 2010 - 3:22 pm

    Okay jokes apart; very neatly done. Touching. You conveyed those emotions very well.

    Thank you so much, M’am 🙂

    Like

  5. #10 by Psych Babbler on February 23, 2010 - 3:24 pm

    Lovely work as always T! And loved how you managed to combine two prompts to make one brilliant story. And I love how well you manage to extract the readers’ emotions with your words. Can I just say…I’m so glad you are not in my creative writing class….you’d be way above all of us making us feel self-conscious of our work! 😛

    😀 thanks for the compliment, but I don’t really think I deserve that much 😀 Glad you liked it, Psych 🙂

    Like

    • #11 by Psych Babbler on February 23, 2010 - 3:25 pm

      Hmm….just realised I said ‘love’ a lot! 😛 Oh well… now you know how much I love your posts! 😀

      😀 😀 how come you’ve commented here this early? Not at work today?

      Like

      • #12 by Psych Babbler on February 23, 2010 - 9:20 pm

        I just woke up early this morning so had some time to go online before work. And noticed that you had posted an hour earlier…

        😀 ok

        Like

  6. #13 by comfortablynam on February 23, 2010 - 3:43 pm

    For someone who is currently consumed with guilt..this story was very hard to read.

    How do you do it T? How do you know which cords to pull?

    I try pulling every chord and one or two works 😛 😆

    Sorry about that bad joke.. Thanks Comfy…glad you liked it.

    Like

    • #14 by Swaram on February 24, 2010 - 1:56 am

      LOL T 😛 U hv pulled all of mine infact 😉

      😀 😀

      Like

  7. #15 by keiths ramblings on February 23, 2010 - 5:22 pm

    This is so moving, and the way you presented it added so much to the atmosphere. Thanks so much for joining in Carry On Tuesday.

    Thank you so much. and Welcome!!! I’ve been doing Carry on Tuesday prompts for a while now…it’s fun 🙂

    Like

  8. #16 by chatterbox on February 23, 2010 - 7:27 pm

    Wonderful work with the portrayal of emotions T 😀
    I could almost feel the tempest in the mother’s heart in your words.

    Keep up the fantastic work 😀

    Cheers!!

    Thanks CB 🙂

    Like

  9. #17 by Tumblewords on February 23, 2010 - 8:10 pm

    Poignant and powerfully said.

    Thanks 🙂

    Like

  10. #18 by Pixie on February 23, 2010 - 10:51 pm

    oh wow!
    That was so heart wrenchingly beautifully written 😀

    I could feel the sadness, the pain… 😐

    Very well written T!

    Thanks pix 🙂

    Like

  11. #19 by chroniclesofdee on February 23, 2010 - 11:47 pm

    Oooh, I had goose bumps reading this!!

    I can never write fiction, how much ever I try.. So, I have decided to live vicariously through u 🙂

    😀 Thanks Dee

    Like

  12. #20 by softypinkngloriousred on February 24, 2010 - 12:22 am

    Very touching! great work combining 2 different prompts 🙂
    Must say.. i did feel gloomy reading it .. first thing in the morning 😦

    oh 😦

    Thanks 😀

    Like

  13. #21 by Swaram on February 24, 2010 - 1:57 am

    Brilliant T! Two prompts and justice done to both of them .. awesome!
    A kind of fear gripped me when I ws reading thru 😦 U do manage to make us feel a part of all of it!

    Thanks Swaram 🙂

    Like

  14. #22 by Achu on February 24, 2010 - 2:23 am

    Beautifully written!! 🙂

    Thanks!

    Like

  15. #23 by Nova on February 24, 2010 - 3:36 am

    My heart ached after reading this… such pain! U r a powerful story teller, girl!

    🙂 Thanks

    Like

  16. #24 by Sakhi on February 24, 2010 - 5:28 am

    OMG.. titaxy, that was powerful!! Awesome is the only word.

    Thank you!

    Like

  17. #25 by Varsh on February 24, 2010 - 6:21 am

    Tagged you! Plz be fast!

    Will do it, thanks Varsh 🙂

    Like

  18. #26 by Varsh on February 24, 2010 - 7:51 am

    Hey there was a Michelle Pfeiffer( did I get the spelling right?) movie on the same lines…The Deep End of the Ocean…and I’d cried throughout 😀

    You’ve written it beautifully T…very painful indeed!! 😛

    Oh really? Will have to watch that 😀

    Thanks, Varsh

    Like

  19. #27 by Sonia on February 24, 2010 - 10:18 am

    Baaprey!!! Well thats it, my daughter wont move in her room until I am old and dead now 🙂

    🙂 Didn’t mean to scare you that much 😀

    Thanks, Sonia..and welcome 🙂

    Like

  20. #28 by Nids on February 24, 2010 - 11:40 am

    This is scary. As soon as I read it, I started putting myself in the mother’s shoes. Aayush sleeps in his room from the age of 2, and he usually comes to our bed early in the morning..Now I am scared, that I will never tell him not to come..Your writing has a impact sweetie

    aww Nids didn’t mean to scare you 🙂

    Thanks 😀

    Like

  21. #29 by Reema on March 10, 2010 - 1:15 pm

    Ohhhh such a sad story. And scary too!

    🙂 Thanks!

    Like

  22. #30 by Nilu on April 6, 2010 - 10:35 pm

    Very touching story!

    Every mother is scared of this very thing, I bet. Of losing her child.

    🙂 Thanks, Nilu!

    Like

  23. #31 by Matt on August 20, 2012 - 4:35 pm

    ” Sad. Touching. Moving ” – That’s what all the comments say. So I am going skip this work of yours. Sorry. I am sure If I read it I will be, as always, in awe of your writing 😀

    ok… 🙂

    Like

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