Archive for June, 2010
You called me today, in the middle of this extra busy day at work. And, shockingly, I answered the phone. I broke my rule of not responding to any calls from unknown numbers and picked up the phone…because something in me pushed me to do it. And I am so glad it did.
It’s so unlike you to call me during the middle of the day (night, for you), given that you strictly follow the no-spending-time-over-personal-calls-while-at-work policy and such. So, for a second there, I got nervous and hoped everything was all right. “It is, dear” you assured me and went on to ask about my day, my health, my work and what not. Our conversation flowed from my life to yours, and you told me story after story about whatever’s been happening there.
We laughed. We argued. We irritated each other a bit. We reconciled. All in that one wonderful call.
But the best was yet to come.
Right when it was time for us to say goodbye, you told me the reason you had called. You said that you missed me…missed those regular phone calls…missed that frequent I-know-best lecture series…missed the smiling sessions and even those silent tears of mine. It was at that moment that I realized how much I missed it all too.
And, just like that, – tears… silent, but happy ones…came rushing down; the day that was so far weighing down on me, became easy to handle; and everything / everyone around me seemed merry. All this because you – the person who never expresses feelings so openly – did so today, after more than two decades of knowing each other.
A sweet surprise, it sure was. Needless to say, I’ve been smiling all day long.
But then, you also have to know that when a man of few words spends so much time on phone, saying things that he usually keeps to himself, it surprises some and shocks others. While I colored this transformation of yours with a positive stroke, the sister of mine felt very uneasy with the whole episode. She sent me this message right after your call with her –
Dude, I just got this call from Appa. He said that he misses me and this and that. It was strange; I was shocked…thought something was really wrong. So I called Amma, just to make sure everything was all right. She said that it’s all ok and that they are fine. Thank goodness. I was really worried, but I’m ok now. Did he call you?
So, how about introducing her to this whole transformation in a slower pace? It might give her a heart attack otherwise; we don’t want that now, do we?
…and I choose to be happy.
That’s simple enough, I tell myself; and on good days it is. Because it comes easy to me to find something pleasing and readily embrace it with a warm smile – Bright blue sky. A good book. Flowers. Spicy Indian food. A flock of birds chirping in harmony. Rain. Chocolates. Sunny days. Ice cream. Moon. Candles. Seaside breeze. A shoulder to lean on. Warmth of my room. Starry night – and the list goes on.
It’s those bad days that make it hard, because then even the nicest of things look gloomy. I find myself complaining about every single thing that is wrong with my life instead of counting the million blessings. All of a sudden, the lights on the path to happiness shut down; I get lost. And, after that, it becomes too hard to pull myself up from that downward spiral to sad land.
The problem? One simple mistake of finding fault everywhere when only a thing or two is making me unhappy. Not getting over whatever is the trouble and moving on, costs me days, sometimes weeks or even months. And it affects not just me, but everyone that I come in contact with. I sulk. I snap. I rant. I settle into a cocoon. If happiness is contagious, so is sorrow. Anger. Withdrawal. Tears. Frustration – nobody likes any of that. And I hate to be the person spreading it all around.
The remedy? To focus on one issue at a time, find a solution, and move on. To not group grief. To get on the road to happiness and bring my spirits up before it’s too late – because once I take one step downwards, it becomes twice as hard to pull myself up.
So, this is what I am trying to achieve these days – change the way I handle grief. It’s not easy, that much I can say for sure. Every little problem poses itself as a mountain, but as long as I set priorities and tackle one at a time, I think I’ll be fine.
Life is all about choices…and I choose to learn new ways to bend myself so that I seldom lose the sight of simple pleasures.
For the past few days, I’ve been hearing birds outside my window that keep tweeting almost all night along (at least that’s what I think because I can hear them whenever I wake up), and it feels so peaceful to fall asleep to their music. So far, I’ve only experienced birds’ hum as the early morning wake-up melody, but now I’ve come to realize how sweet a lullaby it can be.
What a blissful way to surrender into the night after a long day! I’m loving it!
Have a great weekend, folks!
To that super tall person from cardio class,
What were you thinking taking up that center space in the front row right behind the instructor?
It was not a pleasant experience yesterday when I, a rather short person, had to take the space few rows behind you. At first I was blaming myself – I came a little late to class, so, obviously, there wasn’t a lot of spots left for me to choose from. But then, you were in the front row; come on, I don’t think every single person came late to class like I did. So no, it wasn’t entirely my fault, after all.
Almost everyone behind you had trouble seeing / following the instructor because, you see, you who are super tall with long legs and arms effortlessly hid the not-so-tall instructor from all of us. Did you not get that from fact that two people moved in between the session settling for that cramped corner? Or from the all the watch outs that were blurted out every time you took a step sideways / backwards covering too much area? Or when the person that was right behind you gave up and left halfway through the class?
Don’t tell me you didn’t notice all that. I hope you did, I hope you remember it and I hope you be more considerate moving forward. Optimistic about a better next time, I smiled at you even when some others readily ignored you after class.
Let this be a one time bad episode. Be a bit more thoughtful in the future, please.
See you in class next week.