Dear you…

I woke up wiping some tears this morning…happy tears, I should point out before you misunderstand. Because I dreamed that you were back, that those souls that miss you the most were delighted to see you, that now I can fight with you, hug you, argue with you, find a support system in you again, that our lives returned to the way it was few years ago…content.

I didn’t know I cared so much, but then how can I not? We were, after all, so close. Being there for each other at any cost, spending endless number of hours discussing everything on earth, wishing one another the very best of all, gloating on the other’s success, literally growing up together for years…we were nothing short of what best of friends are. How did all that affection vanish in a jiffy? What happened to that strong bond that we once shared – weren’t we like sisters? Why did you all of a sudden decide that you didn’t need me anymore? Was it all just because I some misunderstanding, that tiny communication gap? As much as I refuse to believe that it was the sole reason…it doesn’t really add up that one small mistake has the power to break a close relationship…that’s what happened. And it hurts.

The first few months after you decided to go your way were the hardest. For the longest time then, tears gave me company more than anything else. I would go to bed crying, wake up sobbing, break down at work, and what not. Along with the fact that I missed you, there were other reasons for me to dwell in the depressed state for who knows how long. I tried calling, visiting, apologizing…but you didn’t seem to care. What other choice did I have but to give up at some point?

Slowly, time did its trick and made me move on with life, adding one other pain to my list of sorrows.

And within a few more months, my ego started playing games. I didn’t want to plead anymore. I didn’t feel like sending emails or making phone calls only to be disappointed to see no reply ever. I didn’t bother to ask how you were, or how life was. I simply didn’t care anymore, except for few moments here and there when someone talks about you, reminds me of you, or brings up the topic of what went wrong. Was I wrong to have stopped trying?

It still hurts just as much to think about the good old days and know that it might never be the same, but I’ve learned to let go.

Now, years after we parted, the pain is in the background, doesn’t bother me much because I am used to it now, I guess. I still have hopes that one day we can both talk things out, that one day we can sit down, yell at each other all we want, and get it over with, that one day things will go back to normal, that one day you will understand me better and I will, you…but until then, do know that there’s a void in my life that nobody else can fill, that I love you just as much as I always did, that without you things won’t ever be the same, that you are one of the most important people in my life.

I have this sudden longing today to see you, to chat with you, to tell you all the things that happened over the years after you left, to hear your voice, to shower you with love…but I know all that’s far from happening. For what it’s worth, I am going to start trying again though, to patch things up…call you, write to you, do whatever it takes. And hope for the best.

See you on the other side.

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  1. #1 by anisnest on August 18, 2010 - 4:11 pm

    lovely expression.. hope you will sort this out sooner… I feel the pain… Friendship is the most beautiful thing in this world…

    i hope so too..thanks 🙂

    Like

  2. #2 by BlueMist on August 18, 2010 - 4:16 pm

    Don’t know what to say. But we all are there on either side of fence some or other time. Don’t we ? Sometimes things come back and make you happy. Sometimes things are back but yet lack something. and other times nothing happens. But life goes on. May be it is all part of bigger plan; so that we learn from our mistakes. So that we value more and more all that we have on our hand. Hugs T.

    true…I have a feeling that this one has the potential to going back to normal, if at all we patch up.. 🙂 thanks Misty!

    Like

    • #3 by BlueMist on August 18, 2010 - 4:31 pm

      Then you guys must give it a shot. I am sure it will be all worth. 🙂

      🙂 yupe…

      Like

  3. #4 by revsjoiedevivre on August 18, 2010 - 4:22 pm

    🙂

    you say so much with this sweet smile of yours… 🙂 or maybe I read too much into it…either way, thanks 🙂

    Like

    • #5 by Swaram on August 19, 2010 - 2:19 am

      I like this comment T 🙂

      me too 😀

      Like

      • #6 by Sands on August 19, 2010 - 2:14 pm

        Me three!!

        😀

        Like

    • #7 by revsjoiedevivre on August 19, 2010 - 2:21 pm

      Thanks girls 🙂

      Like I was telling T yesterday on chat, I talk A LOT. I can chatter away non-stop. But this girl writes something like this and all I can come up with is a smile 🙂 T reduces me to a smile. So all credits to her. Muah T! 🙂

      🙂

      Like

  4. #8 by comfortablynam on August 18, 2010 - 4:32 pm

    That you are willing to make the effort is half the battle won..This way you will either patch things up or will know for sure you gave it your best one final go and things did not work out.

    Hoping and praying for the first outcome. To be able to gain back friends lost is amazing feeling..

    Hugs..

    thanks, Comfy 🙂

    Like

  5. #9 by Psych Babbler on August 18, 2010 - 5:18 pm

    Break-ups from any relationships suck…I guess all you can do is give it your best shot but unfortunately, in any relationship, it takes two to tango…if the other person doesn’t respond, at least you know you’ve given it your all.

    Hugs

    i guess so 🙂 thanks, Psych!

    Like

  6. #10 by Sonia on August 18, 2010 - 5:32 pm

    😦 Oh man, I dont know what I would have done….one of my best friends is so stubborn, she never apologised or was the first one to break her silence when we fought and I was the one pleading/making up all the time…But I knew she did care for me immensely and was equally miserable. So hopefully that is the case here too and you girls make up and pick up from where you left off.

    This person is stubborn too…let’s see what happens…thanks Sonia…

    Like

  7. #11 by SG on August 18, 2010 - 5:49 pm

    Mark my words Titaxy.,

    One day you will get enough strength and courage to call this old friend of yours. As soon as she hears your voice, she immediately will say “Hi Titaxy, How are you. Haven’t heard from you for quite sometime. You must have been very busy”. That is true friendship.

    thanks, SG 🙂 when I read your “Mark my words” it reminded me of Appa 🙂 he says that all the time 😀

    Like

  8. #12 by celestialrays on August 18, 2010 - 6:01 pm

    🙂

    hugs 🙂

    thanks dear.

    Like

  9. #13 by chroniclesofdee on August 19, 2010 - 12:21 am

    Hugs babe!

    The best of relationships always feel like the shortest. I miss my grandmother and even though she died only a month before I turned 20, I still feel it was too short a time to enjoy and live with the phenomenal woman that was her 😦

    Seeing someone close pass away is painful. I know…but having a relationship go stale over some misunderstanding is equally hurtful, if not more :(…thanks for the hugs, Dee…

    Like

  10. #14 by ~G on August 19, 2010 - 12:29 am

    I remember reading on one of Madmomma’s post long back where she had jotted down her learnings from life:

    If people misunderstand you – it’s their problem. You can try and you can beg and you can struggle to explain but you’re not going to succeed so give up already. And you’ll feel unbelievably lighter and happier.

    but then there was also a point which said:

    Sometimes life gives you a second chance with people. Not just lovers and family but people who you missed befriending. Grab that second chance before it goes. It’s almost always great. And people who are meant to be part of your life – will be a part of your life. No matter what you do to push them away.

    So Titaxy, go grab that chance, but don’t ruin your well-being in the process. Hugs! 🙂

    🙂 thanks for sharing, G

    Like

    • #15 by Nuttie Natters on August 25, 2010 - 5:11 am

      Love the above comment – seriously T – you have done your bit apologizing…maybe life has bigger plans and maybe that was the part ur friend had to play…

      😀 love the way u described your feelings…could feel ur anguish…and i love the last para…made one feel hopeful…could so identify with it

      thanks, Nut!

      Like

  11. #16 by DI on August 19, 2010 - 1:04 am

    *Hugs*
    And wish things do get better 🙂

    thanks DI

    Like

  12. #17 by mahmud faisal on August 19, 2010 - 1:18 am

    but I know all that’s far from happening. For what it’s worth, I am going to start trying again though, to patch things up…call you, write to you, do whatever it takes. And hope for the best.

    😦
    hoping the best for you…

    thanks Mahmud!

    Like

  13. #18 by piyu on August 19, 2010 - 1:39 am

    Some relationships are totally worth fighting for, but like PB said, it takes two to tango.

    I wish you all the best, and really hope you guys are able to patch things up.

    i hope too…thanks piyu!

    Like

  14. #19 by Rani on August 19, 2010 - 1:50 am

    I hope u patch up.

    No misunderstanding, no trouble, no fights are worth losing a friend. No, never. True friends are far too precious.

    yupe, true…thanks 🙂

    Like

  15. #20 by Swaram on August 19, 2010 - 2:20 am

    I think BM and Comfy said all that I wanted to say 🙂
    Hugs and I really really hope this bond sees good times again, asap 🙂

    i hope so too…thanks, swaram 🙂

    Like

  16. #21 by Vidya on August 19, 2010 - 5:00 am

    I am what my friends have made me.. I know how a rift feels. Cheers!

    🙂

    Like

  17. #22 by Dido on August 19, 2010 - 6:29 am

    beautiful T 🙂

    sad too, no? 😦

    Like

  18. #23 by saya on August 19, 2010 - 7:53 am

    I have been in your friends place. I still am 🙂

    why why why? 😀 i feel for that friend of yours 😛

    Like

  19. #24 by Chatterbox on August 19, 2010 - 8:15 am

    Take care dear and give it your best try, for all friendships are precious and deserve to be saved to the best of our ability 😀 😀

    Best wishes buddy 😀

    Hugs 🙂

    thanks CB 🙂

    Like

  20. #25 by sayamaya on August 19, 2010 - 11:39 am

    I wonder if you are her. No.. cant be.. she has a sis.. and a roomie.. and is in the US.. but her sis is married. so cant be you.

    😀 I have a sis, two as a matter of fact…I am in the US…but no, neither of my sisters is married (at least not that I know of) … so not me

    Like

  21. #26 by viswajithkn on August 19, 2010 - 1:19 pm

    Hate the layout as a matter of fact. And I do not always put the first step forward in patching a relationship. Has to come from the other end too!

    i was in the middle of changing the template then 🙂 I didn’t like the yellow tone, either.

    yeah I know it has to come from the other end too…and I really hope I get some response this time around…if not, I might give up yet again. 🙂

    Like

  22. #27 by viswajithkn on August 19, 2010 - 1:58 pm

    rather hated the yellow colored layout! 😀

    I did too 😀 And I couldn’t find anything else to go with the header, so black it is!

    Like

    • #28 by viswajithkn on August 19, 2010 - 3:04 pm

      Only after you said I noticed that header has also changed. 🙂

      🙂

      Like

  23. #29 by Sands on August 19, 2010 - 2:19 pm

    Hope you get peace if not her.

    thanks Sands

    Like

  24. #30 by BlueMist on August 19, 2010 - 5:07 pm

    M&M looks fresh and nice. Thanks T 🙂 ( you know for what right ? )

    I should be the one thanking you missy 😀

    Like

  25. #31 by liveonimpulse on August 20, 2010 - 1:41 am

    Oh you’re post made me misty eyed..the very fact that you’re willing to patch up is half the battle won.. hope things get sorted for both of you..take care

    thanks, i hope so too…

    Like

  26. #32 by justaroundme on August 20, 2010 - 10:35 am

    Good Luck..

    thank you 🙂

    Like

  27. #33 by ambulisamma on August 20, 2010 - 11:50 am

    You can always patch it up.
    I had renewed one after almost 6 yrs,so wishing you a good luck.

    i hope so 🙂

    Like

  28. #34 by maverickshree on August 20, 2010 - 1:51 pm

    hey making an effort is half battle won..I am sure you both will make it up sooner or later 🙂

    🙂 hopefully 🙂

    Like

  29. #35 by Nilu on August 21, 2010 - 2:25 am

    A few days ago you did a different post and turned the “comments off” button. So are these 2 different people? Or is it the same?

    I am also in the same position as you are with a very good friend of mine(I wouldn’t say best friend though). And it has also been a year since she cut me off. I am waiting to see how your efforts work so that I can follow suit.

    Nilu

    yeah that previous post was about a different person :0

    I will keep you posted about how this goes. Hope things get resolved for you with your friend. hugs!

    Like

  30. #36 by ajay on August 21, 2010 - 6:09 pm

    Friendship is such a beautiful thing and I know this because I wouldn’t have been where I am, if not for my friends. They’ve been with me since the time I can remember- the whole school life and now the college. They two are my guide, my mentor, my brother and yet free of any customary obligations. It’s not that we haven’t fought or disagreed or sulked. But then we’ve also joked and laughed and messed around and excelled together. A true friend knows your strengths and weaknesses. They are the ones who really know you, sometimes more than you do about yourself. So I would say don’t lose your friend. You might like to read A Forgotten Friend that I wrote sometime back.

    true, friends are precious…thanks for the link, ajay, will read it…

    Like

  31. #37 by blommer22 on August 23, 2010 - 1:54 am

    i do believe each and every single human being has a right to choose to end or even to continue whatever things in their life. personally i think, grown up people should learn to respect and tolerate other ppl decision.

    when it comes to the word ‘friendship’, it means a lot. if you have tried many ways at your best to repair the broken thing and not succeeded yet, then sometimes you just have to let it be. it will lessen the rejection pain inside. there might be something that is unexplainable and still can’t be revealed too.

    it doesn’t mean that you completely give it up but just give some spaces around. a feeling can’t be pushed to come or to go. as a good friend, even a best friend, just give her a support for whatever decision that she have made even if it hurts you and always be there with an arms open to accept her back someday when she changes her mind.

    huff, not easy – i know. i’m also in an unsolved prob with my best friend. sad so much but cant force anything at all. i’ll just stay here and wait until she comes back.

    hugs. 🙂

    that makes sense…i am not going to force anything, definitely not…thanks, blomeer!

    Like

  32. #38 by Another Day In Paradise on August 24, 2010 - 12:03 pm

    if you understand tamil..”lateaa irundalum latestaa solren”…thanks Rajni saab..(sorry the News is full of Rajni mania these days!!!)
    we never know why somethings happen..why meet..greet and part..however we find out somewhere that the cosmic dance makes sense..if it was meant to be..else it was not…
    i hope and pray that you get what you wish for and that what you get brings you happiness ..T..hugs..

    I understand tamil…even otherwise, who wouldn’t know superstar’s dialogues 😆

    thanks for the prayers, hugs and wishes 🙂

    Like

  33. #39 by smartassbride on August 25, 2010 - 11:29 am

    Sometimes the smallest of things tend to make the relationship go awry, no? That’s one thing I will never understand. I’ve always fought the most bitter fights over trivial reasons, not proud of it 😦

    Loads of hope and hugs for you two to be like before.

    yupe…sad but true…thanks for the hugs 🙂

    Like

  34. #40 by Elegant Chic on August 25, 2010 - 1:37 pm

    I can relate!!!
    Been there…
    Found her after 4 years thru facebook but still remain as strangers though we have added each other… I don’t think she’s interested 😦

    😦 hugs!

    Like

  35. #41 by soulmate on September 5, 2010 - 11:18 am

    Go ahead… make that move… I am sure it will work…
    I am going through a similar phase and it hurts like hell… Friends are friends..
    Good luck.. 🙂

    thanks 🙂

    Like

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