It’s nighttime, and just the thought that roommate isn’t at home bothers me. Yes, darkness scares me a little.
I had dinner, cleaned the dishes, filled my water bottle and locked myself in my room hours ago…that way I don’t have to go out to the living room or kitchen until the morning hits and there’s plenty of light. I read, watch a few episodes of FRIENDS, read some more, when I get this craving for milk. I tell myself that it will go away, I continue entertaining myself, I do this and that to get my mind off it. But that stubborn craving doesn’t want to leave me alone, so I cave in.
I gather enough courage and open the door. I see the living room lights on; my hearts starts racing.
“What’s going on? Roommate isn’t supposed to be back for another day. And even if she did come back early, I must have heard something – which I definitely didn’t. Why / how are the lights on? What should I do? Call security? Get out of the apartment first?…………………”
Million questions. Ten million answers. All in a matter of fraction of seconds.
I walk out of the room. Two steps into the living room, I realize that I left the lights on before going in. Just in case I had to step out of the room at night.
Phew! Relax! I tell myself. But, I can still hear my own heart beating like crazy…until I come back with the milk and close the door to my room. It’s all good now…heart is calm, mind is quiet.
I read, watch a few episodes of FRIENDS, read some more, when I get this craving…this time for ice-cream.
And the above scene recurs; ditto, frame to frame.
I am not too sharp, I tell ya. This repeating one or two times would have been fine. But I’ve been reacting the same way every single time I’ve walked out of my room in the past two nights. While my brain can spill out infinite number of thoughts in unimaginable speed when it senses something wrong, it can’t keep itself from overreacting. I wonder why.