Even though what I heard yesterday should’ve been one of the happiest news of my life, it brought only so much joy. Yes, I smiled as K uttered those very words that I’ve been waiting to hear for few years now. Yes, I was pleased to know that he was taking a step forward and was trying to build a life. Yes, I congratulated him wholeheartedly.
But my eyes filled with tears as I did all those.
I’ve always imagined how this day would come to be and never once did I see it without you in it. It was supposed to be your big news. How can I not have wondered how this would all be if you were here? How can I not have wished that you were here to live your dreams?
As crazy as it may sound, I still wake up some days thinking that whatever happened was just a nightmare. I can still picture you – the last time I saw you; the last talk we had; the last time I chat with you – everything. And yet, I can’t get my mind around the fact that those were the last times. I pray that you are just playing a cruel joke and that someday I will receive a call from you or see a mail from you telling me what you are up to. So, on days like those, news like this comes as a wake up call that it’s time to move on and that there’s no more hope.
Tell me then, how was I not supposed to feel a pang on my chest all the while feeling extremely glad as K makes this big leap? It was a confusing moment. And I wished you were here.